Newcomer living in Hell

[bravo61]

Hello all. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
My sitch-I have been struggling w/anger all of my life & it's costing me my family. I was left behind in Mexico by my family when I was 5 for several hours-you think I have abandonment issues? Compound that w/being sexually abused @8his by a circumvented and left to fend for myself for hours at a time from the age of 6. I was the middle child and the last one at practice to be picked up or had to walk home. So obviously I was angry at God for all this and blamed myself and felt unlockable. Fast forward years & I meet the girl of my dreams. She loved and her only goal was my happiness. That wasn't her responsibility but I let her take it on. Over the years I broke her spirit w/my critical nature and anger. I didn't plan it but I did it even though she never told me how bad I was hurting her. We have been together 15+ years married for 11. To hear her tell it it was all bad because she doesn't want to remember the good times and there were a lot! So last August she took a job in OR and her & the kids(s8 d4) moved out here w/out me. I stayed behind to sell the house and needed a job before we moved cause we couldn't 2 homes on 1 income. I would visit every 1 1/2 months. At home I was so depressed cause l missed them & felt like I asserting them down. Fast forward to May 2014. I get a job offer and start to feel hope. Begin to listen to God tell me that I need to be a better person and husband. Make the Decision to change and a miracle happens-God takes away the anger that controlled my life. I don't tell W as I want to show her not tell her. So after driving cross country in 2 days, the first day I'm here she says I can't do this anymore. Meaning us! Thing is I understand and I'm not mad at her-but to not even get a chance? I moved out Aug 1st and we've done some things as a family and even went out 1x just me & her (great time by the way). But she says she doesn't trust me and doesn't care about my changes. She's not having an affair-but I'm now the husband she always dreamed of. She's paid the retainer for a divorce atty and wants someday to have a normal relationship w/someone who will love her. And then the next minute she cryingbecause she's hurting me so bad. And saying the classic WAS quotes it's time to make decisions for me. I'm gonna do something for me. And then asking what time the concert we r going to soon is. And planning a family road trip in October. The only reason she has freedom now is that I'm showing her unconditional love and taking the kids so she can have alone time or go out w/her unmarried childless friends. What am I to do? I've lost 35 lbs since June,I'm in counseling,reading the Word, and going to church. All that & I just turned 40. I'm truly broken