The only time she opened up a little bit was when I signed myself up for DivorceCare at the church, which meant she will have to wait until they offer it next time. She said she knew I was probably having a tough time but that she was too. She talked about the guilt she felt since everyone knows she is the one pushing the D. Imagine she feels shame too.
I may be wrong, but I'm thinking your W is writing the script to her personal movie, in which she is the one who would need support in a D, not you. LOL.
You going to Divorce Care may remind her that her personal movie is a lie. That other people may understand that her personal movie is just a fiction she's created. You going means you are taking the steps to move forward and heal in a positive way. I doubt very much she'll like that... not that we are focused on what she likes or not.
It's a great little truth dart. And one thing my H has told me was how all of his old friends kept telling him he was wrong to leave. (They say they don't care what other people think, but really... ?)
I read somewhere that when you have a network of friends who believe in your marriage, you're more likely to reconcile. I believe this is why so many MLCers find new friends, LOL.
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worrying about whether I can "handle" having the kids with me on my own. I have always been a good dad, but W has been stayed home and always cooked dinner, etc. I am a good cook, but sinc I got married I have specialized in grilling and BBQing, not cooking everyday meals.
That is a reasonable worry but you'll do fine. Grilling extras can set you up nicely for breakfasts and lunches (meat and eggs, sandwiches, or just leftovers).
And get a crockpot... that is so easy. Load it with a chicken or roast and spices in the morning, and when you come home dinner is almost ready. A couple of bags of prewashed greens, or even a second crock pot going with foil wrapped potatoes inside... you'll be all set.
Planning like this sounds awful, I know, because you don't want to be there, doing all this. You want things to be the way they used to be. But I found that when I really looked at what was bothering me and worked out a solution, I felt better.
Hang in there, buddy.
M:54, H:55 T:33, M:27 12/13 BD: EA 01/14 BD: PA, H leaves 03/14 H & OW break up 05/14 H says he will file for D 08/14 H initiates D 09/14 H wants to R 12/14 Still bungling our way through R