Ah but you seem to think b/c you feel a certain way, it absolves you. I have not heard you say "I was wrong to do X" or "I should have done y". I keep reading your explanations and they sound like justifications, so it sounds as if you see nothing amiss and that you really do not intend to change anything deep, or beyond the superficial, if she were to come back.
That's a problem and that was perhaps the "Test" you failed when she returned for those 2 weeks. What was really different beyond keeping the house more tidy? And when you did keep it cleaner, was it in a way that was to show her a thing or two, or b/c you lovingly wanted her to feel appreciated? I get the feeling you just wanted to compete and "Win", and not actually that you were trying to demonstrate concern for her.
Do you "hear" what I'm telling you? You do Not have to agree with me; I just want to know if you understand what I'm saying to you. Maybe you can recap, so I know that you do...okay?
The housework issue . She said that she would ask for help and I wouldn't I would be to tired . This is an issue due to me working shift work and working nights and getting up and not really helping out for the week when I did work nights . sounds as if you feel you had good reason to not help those times (and you didn't say anything about the other times) so why would she expect it to improve?
Seems to me the obvious answer, if you are working night shifts and are legitimately too tired to help with the house, is to hire a housecleaner. I know it reduced conflict in our home by 75% or more.
What I failed to realise was that my W was finding it hard to keep on top of the house work with her new job and she could have done with my help . Indeed. What did you think she meant when she would ask you for help? Did you blow it off as "wifely nagging" and what did you tell her then? Did you get tired of it and get angry at her for complaining? Many people do that, which really hurts the other person who was asking for help in a situation which mandated them getting help. So she was doubly mistreated, perhaps.
Currently I have become a domestic goddess and even during the 2 weeks W came home she did comment on how she had never seen the house stay so tidy . So the clean house was noticed and commented upon? Good. How are you holding up, physically? Is this something you could keep up doing or would you need to hire ouside help? I mean, if you are not working the night shifts, that's one thing,
But if you will again, then won't you be too tired to help, again? Maybe you need to do something for the house on a more permanent basis, like hiring a regular housekeeper for a weekly visit,
OR are you able to do the cleaning you are now doing with the present schedule?
IF so, then doesn't it mean you could have been doing it all along...(if so, you should tell her that, along with an apology for not "getting it" sooner). Nothing weak about an apology.
One thing that did come into my mind was that as a child myself and being the eldest of 5 I used to look after my brothers and sisters and do a lot of housework and cooking for them . This was because my mum and dad were very often down the pub.
^^^ That sounds burdensome and sad, to me. How did it make you feel then? Is it perhaps a reason you did NOT want to repeat that as an adult? In other words, you have some resistance to housecleaning, b/c you resented doing so much of your parents work, when you were only a child? And may I assume since they were at the pub, that they drank too much? The housework and looking after the kids is something I believe my WAW thought I would be a complete disaster at . Well, since you resisted doing any of it for so long, what else would she think? I mean, is it so hard to see why she'd feel that way??
She did say to my daughter just before she left the first time " give it a few weeks and dad will be begging me to come home"
I can understand that we me and the kids have had to become a good little team due to the circumstances . And we kept it going for the two weeks w was at home and nearly 2 weeks after she left again we are still keeping well on top of everything. I just wish the W had told me how she felt about me being a lazy ba&@�)rd .
Come on South...you think she had to TELL you "how she felt" about you being a "lazy #$@$)?"
IF ( IF! ) your wife felt that you were a "Lazy #$)#%#*, how do YOU THINK she "felt" about it? Happy? Romantically inclined?
Come on, GUESS! What would she have to say to get the point across to you, that she was not happy about it?
What would you expect her to feel, IF she thought you were a lazy ^#PP@#??
Passionate? Of course not.
No one is attracted to the image you NOW imagine she had of you. Earlier you glossed over her negative comments, but now you are suggesting she had a very low opinion of you.
I'm not sure either version is fair or accurate. But I bet you have some baggage from childhood about the housework being "dumped" on you, and she may also have some issues with it.
But I suggest you try NOT acting like that type of guy again. Become a man only a fool would leave.
Spend time with your son.
And in the future when you have disagreements about raising the kids, discuss them without the kids around.
Remember that - No WAW comes home to a marriage she left,
UNLESS she believes that marriage can be different/better than before.
Show her that it can be different/better than before. Not with words, but actions.
What can YOU DO to show her that?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
