Keeping it real

[Zues126]

I admit that I fail to understand what I'm missing yet rarely do I see your posts miss he mark so my explanation below is not strictly defending my posting ion as I know I'm the noob here, but just to try to figure out the differences between what your talking about and what I am saying. I'll reread your post again later and see if I pick anything else up I missed the first time.

I'm trying to grow in the areas I failed as a husband. I said try because I know I have a long road ahead. I just am not doing this for STBX, I'm doing it for me. If my W feels differently someday I can reevaluate, but I'm no going to tie my happiness with my life to someone I can't control. I am accepting what is happening and walking the road in manner that is consistent with my beliefs.

My DB coach thought it was great and told me she was going to share the hello/goodbye letters wih others she worked with. She told me I was on the right track because it allowed me to forget about the M and allow me and my STBX to forge a respectful partnership to Coparent the kids. She said that's a good goal no matter what and the first step towards reconsciliation anyway, and that the more I had let to the more effectively I'd be able to handle that road. My IC also agreed while I have personal goals I have to keep striving for this made sense.

My understanding of DBing is that it's about changing your behavior and keeping track of what works. I have behavior I need to change, and am continuing to do this in new ways. Part of that behavior I am changing is being emotionally attached to my STBX's every move which in turn leads me to be a doormat or not my best self. Yes, my wife is filing and I will cooperate. I'm not burning bridges, and I even admit his isnt what I want, but if the best thing I can do is work on me and be a good Coparent than that's what I've been doing. And I'm going to enjoy my life because its a good one. Maybe the phrase 'move on' wasnt the best. I meant emotionally. I have the patience to work on myself and not make irreversible decisions for a year from the signed d, well see where things are at the. But I don't have the patience to make that year agonizing emotionally for myself.