25, I have a tendency to over complicate things so overall the changes in myself are evolving but overall to think long and hard before I respond. I am human though so I am far from perfect but my goal is to love a person without expecting anything in return. With three children that are transitioning from teens to adults, I get a lot of practice. How do I say that I am not worried though. Most of the work isn't really mine. I am just trying to listen to Him and go day by day.
Why did she leave? I don't really know. I have had eight years to think about it but I am not certain why she left. I am not saying there weren't problems but what was it or the combination of things that was enough of a reason to walk out the door. I know she loves our kids and honestly I believe that she still loves me although I don't know how she loves me. It would take too long to say how I think there is a love for me from her but in brief, let me say that it may have been too hard to live with me considering challenges she has faced growing up.
Let me put it this way. No one would doubt her love for our children but she decided to leave them behind as well. They didn't do anything that would justify that. I admit to my issues that hurt our marriage but was it the reason for her leaving? Possibly, but I would stay in even a loveless marriage for my children (no abuse, and good environment for the children just the same). People were surprised because even though my XW does not like to show affection publicly, it was obvious she loved me.
I apologize for not going into detail about the ills she faced growing up but it is her personal business but let me say, it wasn't good. In our marriage, there was no physical abuse although there were harsh words time to time. I did not call her names but if things were bad, I was loud.
She wrote a story in one of her classes (Masters in Counseling -- yep!!) which she shared with me before she left. It was sad. She imagined herself, living alone in a small house, remote, while I was in a new marriage and very happy. It was not a story that sounded like wishful thinking but extremely sad.
When we were dating, we had broken up for about a year (her decision, not mine). We ended back together and, of course, getting married. Many times, she said that she knew we would end up together, even if we had gotten married to other people. She felt that we would eventually be together.
The reason I bring that up is that was something she shared with me up until she told me she was thinking of leaving. I cannot state whether she was justified in leaving and sharing this isn't my way of saying that I was perfect or treated her as I should have. I don't believe I treated her as God instructed and I own that.
The sad thing is that she didn't say what bothered her (of course, it doesn't require a braniac to figure out what bothered her) until she decided to leave. The marriage therapist (we went to for 1 1/2 months) told me separately that she had already decided she was leaving when she told me that she was not happy. Any problems she had with me were not really shared. Again, I am not an idiot so I knew that I needed to be more gentle simply because I knew she should be treated more lovingly.
