Walk away partner after 22 years . First post

[25yearsmlc]

if your marriage "problems" were just what is written below...I'd say you glossed over a lot of issues.

South, you have to dig a lot deeper and be a lot braver. That's my advice.

Think I have written the problems before but they are/were

Relationship issues with my son . Claims I never loved him

What does this^^ mean? Why would your wife say that? Do you have a temper? How is your temper displayed? What was your R like with your father?

Were you & your dad close? Is there anything being replayed in your R with your son, that happened in your R with your dad?

What would your SON say now, about your R with him?


Being lazy with housework .

Did your wife have to do it all? Did you ever consider hiring a maid? (**IF you were to hire one, would you have seen it as a reflection on your wife at all?**),

What would you SAY or DO when your wife asked you for help?

When she was cleaning, what would you be doing?


Not doing anything to the house for years and if I did try it would take forever and usually never got finished.

Can you give some examples? What do you think this^^ meant to your wife?


Not spending any time together , we never went out as a couple for meals out cinema just the 2 of us .everything we did was with the kids .

So, that's where the "roomate" feelings would come in and no feelings as a couple, or as romantically involved people could occur, I assume?


If she wanted something I would just buy it for her .


What does this^^ mean? And is this a complaint? I'm confused. It sounds as if you are bragging about something.... really, I can't tell. I mean, I think I know what your WIFE means but I'm not sure YOU do....

Never felt part of the family . This is due to no joint account and I paid for everything even though she worked .


So when you say you "paid for everything" --what you really mean to say is you were controlling the money, AND Since you were in charge of the money, she had no access to funds of her own?

This happened Even though she also had a full time paying job?

Why did you do this if you knew it bothered her?


Think that's about it for negative but then there were positives that she would say that would really puzzle me .

South, if your wife were to come here, & and post about what HER complaints with YOU were,
Tell me if this is what SHE MIGHT SAY ABOUT MARRIAGE W/YOU...


"My h was controlling with money and I had to ask for anything I wanted
and IF he felt like it, HE would get it, rather than "letting" me.

This happened even though I worked full time and never even got to have my own account.

He berates our son and is constantly angry at him. He never has a kind word to say about or to him...

and it's really bad for our son. H also never shows ME any sign of being in love, there is no passion or romance at all, we are just 'co-parents' to our kids, or roommates, and I'm a fixture with no identity of my own b/c h decides everything.

H does not care about our home and he never helps to clean it and never wants to help with any projects -

so the house is not at all how I would like it, & it does not feel like "my home"...

And the few times He has started a project, he leaves it half unfinished so we are all stuck looking at the mess which is worsened by his "help" b/c now there's a mess that wasn't there before...(but I'm supposed to be grateful)

and it does not matter what I say about it. I'm ignored and devalued so much that I don't even feel like I have a separate identity.

. I don't matter to him much. I want to be with someone to whom I matter more"


Does any of this^^ ring true, or possibly true?

What do YOU think YOU should work on, if anything? Are you in counseling?

South, if you can't come up with some real issues to work on, you'll keep scratching the surface and never getting to what truly matters to your wife.

Give her some credit for having depth, and work on connecting with her at that level....the deep one.

Does that^^^ make sense to you?