GB, Well, even my w seems at times to know that, even though she is on HER path to happiness, that it also damaged others around her. She saw how her fathers search for his happiness hurt her, her mom, her brother so she should be aware that choices that she makes on that path CAN and do hurt other people. It seems to me that in order to forgive, the actions that hurt need to have stopped, be in the past or you will spend every day in forgiveness "mode". I guess that isn't a "bad" thing.
I will say this...there have been times when I have come to terms with certain things that my W had done. I saw it as her acting out in pain and thought that there was no use holding it against her. Of course, then something new would happen and I would feel "There really is no justification for someone to do that" and that was that.
I do have a question, if forgiveness isn't forgetting or not holding the other person "accountable" for their actions, what is it. is it understanding that this person hurt you and doesn't care but just thinking "That is on them. I won't allow that to hurt me.". That sounds to me less forgiveness than "coming to terms". You can not hold something over their head but still have not forgiven them, right? I know I have forgiven small things in the past like when someone said something "bad" about me or was intentionally cruel. In those cases I would say "maybe they were having a bad day" or "I'm sure that they didn't mean that". But in those cases I was able to see a "reason" and the actions didn't have the profound effects that what our S's have done, are doing.
Is "accepting" or "coming to terms" with someones actions the same as forgiveness?
