Am I the only LD here?

[CharlieBrown]

Amber,

One note about him withdrawing. What you are describing, our MC has described as our waltz. In our case, when my W rejects, my instinct is to get mad and want to tell her. But, I know that is counterproductive. So I shove my anger down deep and try to process it. For me, I can't pretend I am not unhappy and have a normal conversation, so instead I will usually not say much and retreat to the computer to surf the internet or play a game. Her read on that is that I am "pouting" or "being a baby" because she said no, but in reality, I am trying to process real emotions without causing a bigger issue. But either way, the result is her getting more irritated and less likely to want sex.

Cadet's love language question is a good one. For me, it is physical affection with a bit of verbal and gifts, for her it is acts of service. So, when she says no, to me it is her saying she doesn't really love me.

One question I have never gotten a good answer with my W is, if you know how to "fix" this issue (make sure you are having sex more often, which not only is what he wants but is shown to usually increase your satisfaction and desire as well), then why not do it? It is like knowing you need to lose weight to save you marriage and still eating pizza and ice cream, right? Except in this case instead of having to eat celery all day you get to have lots of sex? Why wouldn't you want to do this???

My theory with my W is that this has become "her thing" just like me wanting more is "mine". But why I still don't understand, I would be interested in your thoughts, might help me understand better.

I like your idea for tonight, have some fun with it! Looking forward to hearing how it goes.

CB