To forgive

[25yearsmlc]

Here is a true story that may shed some light on this topic, (a great topic).

I grew up with a neighbor who was a retired Army Colonel. For several years he had been a POW in Vietnam.

He and his wife had 5 kids. Years before they moved into our neighborhood, the Colonel had had an affair with an OW at his work.

Wait...How did I, a young 17 y/o neighbor, know that the Colonel had had an A?

Oh, I knew b/c everyone knew, b/c "Mrs Colonel" made sure we all knew, so we would not think he was such a great guy.

There were times I wanted to ask the Colonel about his POW experiences. But Mrs. C- would steer the topic away. I assumed for years, that she was protecting him from a bad war memory.

Then l learned that she simply didn't like him getting that type of attention. At the time we knew the family, the Colonel was kind, funny, handsome, strong, and really just a great guy. Yes, we DID admire him.

In contrast, Mrs. Colonel was a bitter woman, who made a snide remark at her h's expense, at every turn. From how he over cooked the grilled meat, to undermining the value of a reference letter he wrote for my h. She could NOT give that man a kind word to save her soul.

She never praised him in front of her kids, or us, and she would undermine any compliment others gave him. She seemed to live to make him pay. I'm not exaggerating.

She was NOT kind to him at all. Seemed like she never let him forget what SHE had endured & what HE had done TO her.

Today, 3 decades later, only 1 of their 5 kids is married, their only son. It's his 2nd or 3rd marriage. The others are all single, with 2 never marrying, and the other 2 getting married, repeatedly.

The choice that Mrs C- made was the worst of all choices.

She could have divorced him and recovered. She could have gone to counseling and therapy, to learn how to forgive him.

Instead, she made the worst but most tempting choice; she stayed married AND stayed miserable.

She never let Colonel forget his sins.

She held it over his head like the sword of Damacles.

She threw it in his face (or threatened to) every time they fought.

She did NOT Forgive him and she did not even try to. Not in a serious humbling way.

It's ironic, but from where we sat, from what we could see, HE was the victim and she was the wrongdoer....she was not a woman we sympathized with.

She should have let him go when she found out about the A; or as soon as she realized she could not forgive him; OR, she could have learned how to forgive.


She could have left her children a beautiful legacy. She COULD have taught and passed on to them, the concepts and practices of true forgiveness, real redemption, deep love and full commitment.

Instead, she passed onto them a deep suspicion, distrust, cynicism, bitterness and big time grudge holding. She did not think he "deserved" forgiveness -- so she overlooked how many others were affected by her choice not to forgive.


Food for thought.