My DB coach isn't available until next week. That su cks...
On the plus side, last night Mr. Gritty called to say he realizes my schedule fills up so fast nowadays that he wanted to make a date before I have no time available for him. So we've got a date this weekend.
My goals: continue rebuilding the friendship, no R talks. BE MYSELF but restrain impulses to talk about R.
Actually, I'm not feeling impatient. Actually, I'm feeling ambivalent. I still love the guy, but I believe he's going to run again. I'm concerned about the sudden positive change and am not sure it will last.
And yet I fear I am losing focus, losing detachment. I feel like I'm in a dangerous place. I am worried about losing the Improved Nitty Who Takes Care Of Herself, just like my IC said.
I must continue to live my life as if he is still pursuing D, although I'll be seeing him in more of a friendly sitch. I will only believe that he is serious about R when:
He cancels the D
He makes the appointment with the MC.
I know I will be ready to R when:
I stop rolling up into a little ball when he raises his voice
I consistently maintain my boundaries
A major boundary I have now that I haven't since the BD:
I will not allow myself to be spoken to in a disrespectful manner. If he starts up, I will say this, and add, "I want to have a conversation in which we do not blame each other."
I expect to be treated as respectfully as I treat others. I deserve to be treated respectfully.
M:54, H:55 T:33, M:27 12/13 BD: EA 01/14 BD: PA, H leaves 03/14 H & OW break up 05/14 H says he will file for D 08/14 H initiates D 09/14 H wants to R 12/14 Still bungling our way through R