Am I the only LD here?

[ForeverYoung]

Hi Amber. Allow me to commend you for wanting to work out this issue and preserve your marriage!

Have you read the section of SSM that talks about the reasons some are not interested in sex? Do you know what your reasons are? I realize that for many LD people, the reason(s) don’t matter. They just aren’t interested, and don’t see any need to be! But since you’re here, and read Michele’s book, I’m assuming you understand the importance of having satisfying physical intimacy in a marriage.

Sure, H needs to read the book and adjust his behavior and expectations, but I believe the key to success will be you finding a way to satisfy his needs/desires in a manner that works for you. Try to think along those lines.

Like Cadet wisely pointed out, you are the one in charge of the program (or lack of program) here.

My W was always LD in our M. Many years back, I read “Light Her Fire” and followed the advice to romance my W as a way to drum up interest. It didn’t help much. We had many tense periods because of our mismatched Desire.

Eventually, W stepped up and I relaxed expectations, seemingly at the same time. She agreed to, and initiated, regular Quickies, which were only done for my (sexual) benefit. I quit pestering her for more. I also learned that having occasional long sensual sessions were more satisfying, and would “hold me” for longer. It also gave me something to fantasize about the times I was solo, which a HD person should figure on doing at times.

I hope this helps!