To DB or not to DB, is it really a question?

[Nitty]

I get it now. 2x4's have taught me. I screwed up (for years) with my lack of empathy and my other acknowledged sins.

Don't be rolling in this poop. I have to confess that I hate all the, "But what did you do to cause this" questions. Especially when some of us LBS are already extremely hypercritical of themselves.

I KNOW it takes two to create a dysfunctional marriage. I KNOW this. However, only one of you is trying right now. Only one of you is willing to look honestly at their part in contributing to dysfunction.

And the other one, the WAS... is running away, blaming, not acknowledging their part in the mess.

Look back to learn, sure, to fix your problems, certainly. But let's not marinate in it. Let's have some balance, please.

When you examine the past, make sure you spend an equal amount of time focusing on the future. Focus on all the good things that will come about from the lessons you're learning. This crisis is your opportunity to become an even better man. Don't waste it soaking in absolutely every sin you ever committed in your M. God forgives you, so FORGIVE YOURSELF.

Your kids will be okay no matter what, they've got a dad who cares enough to bust his butt to hold things together... and a mom who doesn't. Millions of couples like this raise happy, healthy kids. (Easy for me to say, I know, because my kids are grown.) Heck, healthy couples can raise kids who are dysfunctional. There are no guarantees for anything and guess what... guarantees are just EXPECTATIONS, anyway.

I guess my point is: learn from the past. Improve yourself. Focus on YOU, but not just what you did wrong.

Focus on the fact that you are a great guy! Look how you are willing to change! To forgive! If she can't see that, so sad for her. (And we know she can't see stuff that's as clear as day to any rational person.) Right now, she is NOT the beauty. She is NOT the prize. YOU ARE.

Love yourself as much as you love her. Love yourself as much as God loves you, as much as you love your kids.

Your W wants a D. You will be okay. Your kids will be okay. This is your life right now. You keep on doing what you can to improve yourself. If God has another plan, it will manifest. Meanwhile, you take this opportunity He has given you and invest it in a good way.

Shakespr, I'm ranting because even though I agree with everyone about looking at your part in the mess, I think you take it too far, just like I do. I'm ranting because I do exactly the same thing. I think this was a rant for me, maybe. And I should just hit "delete."

NAH.