To forgive

[Georgiabelle]

Excellent analogy, Mr. Bond. 25 makes some great points as well. The holding on to past hurts only hurts you.

Some people think there is an *if* associated with forgiveness. I think some people interchange forgiveness with forgetting. Nope. You don't forget. I also think some people try to tie trust into forgiveness in some shape form or fashion. You know that some people think "Until they ask for forgiveness, I can never trust them". Not the same. Two separate issues. I think it comes down to some people *expect* someone to acknowledge their wrongs before forgiving. Forgiveness is NOT for the other person. It is for YOU!!

Matt, why are you allowing your wife to hurt you further? You know she is unstable and not rational. You are *expecting* her to be different? Why now? She thinks she's on the path to *happiness* so why does *she* need forgiveness? *She* doesn't. Why? Because she doesn't think she's done anything to necessitate forgiveness.

LT, I am extremely logical. Crazy logical. My xh said at BD that he "hated that I was so rational and logical." I do think everyone has their own version of forgiveness. However, if your version is that you cannot let go of anger, hurt, and grudges until someone *asks* for forgiveness, then prepare to hold on to bitterness, resentment, hurt, etc. Isn't that similar to a person on crisis? They blame you for everything and it's all your fault. Look at how *unhappy* and angry they are. If you keep the scorecard doesn't it do the same thing to you? Allows you to blame others for your hurt, resentment and anger? I am not interested in expediting aging, wrinkles, additional stress, etc. I'm sure we have all met people who are incredibly bitter. Think about people who say "I'll never forgive!" That is their choice to hold on to anger-and that IS what that is. . My life is crazy enough juggling my kids, career, and dog:-). I do understand that it's difficult-it IS a process.

Perhaps I've realized that my xh has a diagnosed, improperly treated mental illness and is going thru a MLC. I am NOT without blame which is well documented on my lengthy threads. I don't like everything he does although he no longer hurts me. Why on earth would I expect him to ask for forgiveness or even apologize? His hurt and pain is his own. I cannot imagine being him. He has held on to hurt his entire life. It's unfortunate and sad. I do hope he finds peace. However, I have a life to live, children to raise and I want them to see that forgiveness allows you peace and the opportunity to really live.

Sorry for the novel. This is strictly my take on forgiveness. :-)