EA then PA with her ex

[Anaru]

This is my first post to the forum.
At the beginning of Sept I finally confirmed that my wife's EA (going on since about April 2013 had become physical in end of March this year - 5-6 months ago.
They had only been to bed a few times when I was safely out of the country on business travel (approx 1x per month) - she considered it friends w benefits.
The affair is with her ex-boyfriend from 21+ years ago (we have been married 20 years).
I am mainly said & disappointed - I am not an angry person. have given the choice to drop the A and work on our marriage or see if she wants to make it work with OM. OM does not seem willing to commit despite her best efforts over the last months. It saddens me to see how desperate she was to get is approval/acceptance.
Material here + Div Remedy book helping enormously. Having good days & bad days. Away again on business twice in 4-5 weeks and anxious about what she is going to do while I am away
H (me)51 W46 3x S 20 18 14