afraid I have waited too long #4

[nit84]

Ahoy, that is basically what I have done for 15 months now is avoid conflict with my W, which I believe is your suggestion, correct?

I understand that my W will not be happy if I bring these things up which I don't often, but I do it in as non-confrontational way possible as much as I can. There is never any yelling anymore I just state facts without the yelling. It is my W that chooses to react badly to these facts. I will say one thing, I need to stop with the sarcastic remarks.

She knows I have been working on myself for these last 15 months and I do put my best self forward to her and lean on friends and this forum to vent 99% of the time.

We decided and our L's agreed that we should handle the property ourselves to save some fees. For the most part this has worked.

I felt I had to stand up for myself in regards to feeling disrespected so that it didn't create new resentments. I have forgiven my W for her part in the failure of the M and also myself so I do not want to begin some new resentments that I am sure would lead to "more of the same" which I don't want my W to think will be the case if she decide to try and work on things.

I have admittedly been a doormat in a lot of our interactions. This is where I get confused. I want to keep the road home paved and smooth but I also can't let it be at the cost of my dignity or self-respect.

This is the battle I have been fighting for a long time. I consider each situation before I react(never did this before) sometime probably over-consider too much.

I don't want to just "win" anymore. I want to understand and take my W thoughts and opinions as an equal in the M. This is very hard with the walls she has built around her heart. I am allowed to disagree with those thoughts but I still want/must allow for her feelings.

It is now communicating these new changes to her in a way that is not pursuing, clingy or needy.

My actions(180's) are speaking for themselves but I need to balance that with the best communication possible.

This is my stumbling block.

When I ask clarifying questions of my W she stills see it as me being controlling or confrontational. I understand that is my W problem more so than mine but I need to be better at asking these questions in the correct way.

Who knows I might be asking correctly and it is just my W reactions that make me doubt myself.