i'm voting that you just be you- respond if it's courteous and you're a courteous person. be nice, if you're a nice person- don't change the essential you for this guy.
i try to keep being who I AM - not allow whatever going on with H to change me into someone- something i don't like.
like you- i have moments of severe reservation- and like you, it is instigated by GIANT convos with well-meaning friends - that makes me plunge BACKWARD into 'THIS ALL".
i need to quit it too. on one hand- it's true and happened and (perhaps) should be part of the consideration. maybe tho- if we truly do consider it a bit of "insanity" of some sort- we don't really ahve to re-live it over and over.
maybe we need to let that go- and if we are cruising along in life pain-free for moments when we don't think about it - we need to go with that.
everythign you say- about your vacation- resonates. i think we alllll feel this junk you feel too. don't be pressured to make "an end". if you're not ready to.
i used to wake in nite , my mind demanding i 'DO SOMETHING". It was hard as heck to ignore- i did manage tho. major victory in self-control? (somewhat)
people cannot know what you feel or are going thru - i know this, because 15 or so years ago my sister went thru same thing- and i was trying to be helpful and supportive- and honestly, i had no idea of the mental/emotional devastation. honest- i still feel embarassed and sad that i could not have known & been more helpful. she is deadnow- unless you've been thru it- you cannot conceptualize (well, even if the poor sap in the hot seat describes accurately- it's hard to believe.
you're doing great i think- hanging on- that's the main thrust of this isn't it? hanging on, being pleasant but not pursuing, etc. and alllll the rest. key feature- still "in the picture" despite it all....good luck
