afraid I have waited too long #4

[nit84]

Just a continuation of my thoughts in my last post.

I suppose GALing and Detaching is all I can do at this point till after she moves out. I wont crawl into shell but probably will stay home more to fix some stuff up around the house if money permits.

Once the initial shock wears off I am sure I will be fine.

Once she goes though there will not be any contact at all most likely because she got her own cell phone 3 months ago and hasn't given me the number.

In a way I suppose this is a good thing for now till the actual D decree comes and I don't know when that will be.

My L and I will work on how best to protect myself. My hope is my W knows that we both(her and I) have to protect ourselves to move on without ruining either of our future lives whether that be together or not later on.

Based on W reactions to some things that my L and I have done and proposed to her and her L, I feel there is long road of resentment and unforgiveness ahead for me from my W. I hope I am 100% wrong but I am prepared for it.

The things I have proposed to my W with my L blessing have been fair. I don't know why W and her L refused what we proposed other than her L said If they agreed that would mean I wouldn't be as receptive to their demands(too strong a word), wishes is better, later on.

Could be true but not positive because my W has not been forthcoming with any numbers for some reason. I have a pretty good Idea of our assets so anything that is proposed wont come as a shock but I guess the amount she will ask for is question and it must be huge if she doesn't want to even run a number past me.

I am still sad as I type this because, although, I have worked on myself a great deal and have my self confidence back and I am a better person then I was when this mess started, I feel empty

I,unintentionally for sure, think I haven't done the best job at DBing and that frustrates me. I have read DR more than once and feel I know the principles, I just don't think I did a good job at adapting these principles to my personal Sitch.

Maybe it comes down to my difficulty in trying to communicate correctly. This is an obvious problem with my W and probably on this forum as well.

I have received invaluable advice from a lot of people especially the Vets that has helped me immeasurably with all parts of this fiasco except the most important and obvious one that is my most desired.

I will continue to have hope for my M because that is the type of person I am and have always been.

I am not trying to feel sorry for myself but it sure is coming off that way Sorry for that.

I suppose I could start improving on the parts of DBing that I have messed up so far realizing it is never too late to start over it just frustrates me. I have been given the gift of time just not sure I used it wisely.