Wife having emotional affair part 2

[sandi2]

I know what you mean when you say your W "knows" you do not want her to move back and continue the A. However, it is important, I believe, that you state your boundary to your W. Remember, boundaries are not you issuing ultimatums to her. It isn't enough to state your boundary, but you must be prepared to back it up. So......know "now" what you will do "then" if she doesn't honor your boundary. Marching around and crowing about boundaries is useless when/if it's all talk. And....don't assume she knows and will honor unspoken boundaries. She may see moving back with different ground rule.

A man can lead his family honorably. He can try to help his W with her health issues. He can continue to provide and protect her to the best of his ability.....as long as she is living with him in the same home. If she removes herself from the home.....it limits his protection, and sometimes the provision. This can be done from a position of love, integrity, strength, respect, personal values & belief system.

It's a hard line between keeping the road paved easy and not controlling you spouse and your own feelings. Not being a dormat. If she wanted to come back at all.

This seems to be a shared problem with LBH'S. Perhaps I should ask how you "see" keeping the road paved smoothly. The way I see it could be completely different from yours.

I have seen LBH'S jump from LRT to keeping the road paved smoothly (or their idea of it).......and then back to LRT. (Based on their own words/posts.) I think they hear this and want to see a response from the W.......and if it doesn't happen, they get fed up and say they are LRT again.

IMO, some may cause matters to be a little worse b/c they "act" before really understanding. For example, they pursue or become a doormat......thinking that is making the road back easy for her. Neither of pursuit or doormat type behavior is what keeping the road paved smooth means. However, as I understand, this was advice a DB coach gave 25yrs during her stitch. So, I really should let her explain in more detail.

I encourage several newcomers to do a lot of soul searching and deep thinking about what is most important, what kind of man they want to be, etc. ( I know 25yrs also talks along these same lines. ) If you don't know who you are or what kind man you need to be.......and think before over reacting to anyone's advice, then you will be getting in a deeper mess.