Need Help before I blow a fuse.

[25yearsmlc]

Everything you say makes sense. I have been walking on eggshells so long because I have been scared to lose her and the M. I have not had a backbone in a long while and have taken a great deal of abuse in front of the kids, my employees and my friends. I have always tried to just defend myself each time.

I'm fairly certain this^ is going to be fruitless. The "Defending" yourself endeavor will escalate things and NOT ever convince her on the spot, that she was wrong.

it may just be your way of not being a doormat, but a better goal would be to express yourself clearly.

Something like saying "No W, I disagree with you. But we will re-visit this issue LATER b/c now is NOT the time or place" and you can memorize that line til it comes out naturally.

To "enforce it"< may simply mean you walk out of the room. OR she may abide by it. I personally think you ought to "warn" her ahead of time that you do NOT want to be castigated in front of employees or family or friends (or anyone really) again and that you WILL redirect her criticisms next time.

It's really bad for the work environment to have your bosses fighting or carping or worse, back stabbing. It's a toxic environment I'd think she'd realize it if you point it out. Even if she denies it then say

"Well FYI FROM NOW ON I don't want it to happen again. And if it 'never really did happen' and you've never made a snide remark or berated me in public and I'm just being delusional, then it shouldn't be hard for you to avoid dong..."


As for one liners, Who said you can't tell a joke? OR that it's not in your DNA? A LOT of that is a matter of confidence, assuming you have mastered English.

(To learn how to tell a joke, read Judy Carter's book "Stand Up Comedy" -The Workbook" b/c it's very helpful in structuring your jokes and in telling them, and it' a FUN read.)

It's not only for people who do stand up comedy. It's also for public speakers who need to insert some humor in their keynote addresses AND it's also just for fun.

One of my sisters always forgets the punch line to jokes, but when she read this book it helped her recall those lines and she was thrilled. There's Lots of comedy IN the book.



I guess I have been scared and didn't know the correct ways of stating things. I do not have a great sense of humor and "one liners" are not in my DNA.

Do you laugh at funny things or not?

To me, a sense of humor is being able to laugh, especially to laugh at yourself or at no one's expense and to enjoy the actual laughter itself. Laughter is an indicator of quality of life. I cannot imagine a life without a lot of laughter.

FYI, people who laugh on a daily basis report MUCH higher levels of happiness in their lives. (Laughter also attracts other people to you).

If you actually don't "let go" enough to laugh hard, or often, I'd work on that with an IC.

Senses of humor are not necessarily all about making others laugh. I appreciate great artwork but that does not mean I am THE ARTIST. It means I appreciate art in some form(s) and that's fine. Nothing says I have to BE an artist, to be artistic or have artsy tastes. Do you get this? You can have a wonderful sense of humor and not be a joke teller.

But if you are saying you're not the one who'd come up with a snappy one liner, ever, or on the spot, then think ahead and practice.


Just don't resist laughter in your life; it's a source of joy for (AND those around you.)

If you ever do make a joke, Do NOT wait for the laugh to come after. That makes people feel forced and it's harder for them to enjoy.
But if you simply make the remark as if YOU are amused, that's all that matters. (And In the end, that's the truth anyhow.)



I do know that I have to start somewhere and the first place is about children. I will have to wait until she disses me in front of them because I doubt she even knows she is doing it and will not remember anything in the past.

Like I said, I'd give her a heads up before it happens or she'll be so shocked that it'll require too much for her to "hear" you.

If she says anything about 'oh NOW you want this equality??" (or whatever she calls the "new rules" of behavior you'll be putting out there when you demand respect from her)...

You can say "Better late than never"
OR "Yes, doing it NOW - b/c I've had my eyes opened & this is something I really value. THANKS"....

Good luck