Yes, fellow DBers, I'm still here, busting away on my mountainside.
It's been crazy on this board, posts disappearing... so it was a good time for another break.
All is well around here.
I'm sleeping better, eating better, focus is better, mood is better. I'm just BETTER.
GUBU is mostly H now when I see him. Granted, these are short periods, but so far (!) GUBU hasn't made an appearance since the last snippy text about the pizzas. (So, that was last week.)
He has not said a peep to me about "the future" or any of that stuff, and I'm not asking. We're just getting along, working together on some projects, chatting, all friendly-like.
Now. I've been here before. He does seem to like when I'm like his (hot!) guy friend, working on man-stuff. (One of my aces in the hole. I'm good at that buddy thing. I like old cars, mechanical stuff... I can drive a backhoe...) This is a non-threatening, non-emotional way to spend time where he is in his element.
I have no delusions that this is going to be a permanent state for him. I'm sure there will be more lapses into his GUBU personality whenever things don't go his way.
He seems to have been reassured that I am spending time with FEMALE friends, am not packing to move, don't have a boyfriend.... Call it "keeping me on the back burner", or whatever... I think it's more important that we get along. He's not actively doing anything hurtful to me, so I see no reason to be unavailable or distant, or even all that dark. I don't initiate much, and I am definitely NOT pursuing.
I'm just moving on, letting him see that, but also being friendly and keeping the interactions light and positive. Plus, I am seeing him look at me more and more. Just sneaking little glances. So I'm not REALLY like a guy friend!
I still see him smiling more, laughing more. And--GASP!!!--- he is growing his beard back!
That was something that really bugged me. And he knew it. He refused to grow it the way I liked, saying he wanted to look like those 50-somethings with the stubble on the (VIAGRA!) commercials.
Plus it was how he started wearing it with OW last year. So--I have noticed, he's seen me looking. But I haven't said anything.
If it stays, I'll tell him it looks nice.
Oh. And I noticed he's dressing a little better when he's here working, and his chore clothes have returned. AND--although he doesn't exactly seek me out when he's here, he's staying longer. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
I have been GALing like crazy, exploring some new ideas musically, stayed with a friend in a nearby city last weekend and really enjoyed exploring her neighborhood. The other day when I returned from my friend's house, he--wait for it---
WAITED FOR ME TO COME HOME!
He hasn't done that in a year. He always avoids me, because I guess I'm all "happy".
This time, he was just sort of hanging around. I was really shocked. He actually stayed around and chatted with me a bit.
Wholly cats!
I think his depression is lifting. I don't know if he's started meds, or it's the bicycling, or the therapy, or maybe just time.
I don't think it has anything to do with me, but he seems to be feeling better overall. He looks better too.
He is still being transparent with the financials, credit cards... so if there was something going on (a new OW or hookers!) I'd know about it.
He's pretty much at work, or here afterwards. And when he goes to "his" house, there is NOTHING there. It's in the boonies. Unless he's having it on with a heifer, he's not involved with anyone out there!
Every weekend he is asking about staying here, and sometimes stays two nights. (IF I'm out late.) If he had OW, I don't think he'd be doing this.
You know what? I think he likes me. He doesn't want to, but he does. I am the best me, and I AM the spouse he would be a fool to leave!
This weekend I'm doing another dance workshop, then singing with a band on Sunday. The prep for that has kept me pretty busy, which is why I haven't been posting here.
I'll let you know how it goes!
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
