WAW...Again, Part III

[stumps]

Recapping for myself to help give me a lay of the land...

W told me about a week and a half ago that despite previously feeling like we were on our way to reconciling, she now felt like she was never going to feel in love with me again and that she planned on moving out, at least temporarily, to clear her head and be away from me for a while.

Two days later, W came home from her IC session and without any in-depth discussion told me that it was a good session and that she wanted me to make an appointment with a MC we had been referred to by my IC.

Just under a week later we had our first MC session. During this MC session W said she was there because she felt like if there was the slimmest chance that it might help then it might be worth it, particularly because of our kids, but she also said in her heart she didn't really believe MC was going to change her feelings about being done with this marriage.

Also in our MC session, W said she sees the work that I've done and that she truly believes my changes are real and permanent, but that it's just too late. She said she is happy for me, because she sees the benefits my changes have bestowed upon me, but that it also makes her VERY angry that it took her being done and wanting a divorce for those changes to happen.

W is also still VERY angry abouy a whole laundry list of things that have happened over the course of our marriage. Most (maybe even all) of them we have discussed at one point or another, but the anger and the pain and the unhappiness are all still there and apparently pretty fresh for her. She said she truly believes I am not the same person that caused her that pain anymore, and that for the past 6 months or so I have been the husband she always wanted, but that her wall is up and she just isn't in love with me any more, and she doesn't believe that wall is ever coming down. She said the marriage has been too much work and she is exhausted and tired of trying.

The sort of...irony...here is that we get along great. Probably better now than at any other point in our marriage. We've gone out more, we've had people over more often, she confides in me and I in her...we have a relationship that is seemingly closer and friendlier than those of the people around us who ostensibly are not having marital problems, and yet... W says the love, the romantic love, just isn't there for her. And I know she has been in touch with a lawyer, although I'm not sure in what capacity.

And yet, she still does and says things that by most accounts would seem like good signs. She still wants some physical contact (although certainly not sexual), she wants to spend time together, she comes to me for hugs and comfort all the time (I initiate NONE of that these days). I in fact have been working under the assumption that she is going to leave any day now...that's been my assumption since March when she told me that was her plan. She just hasn't. Yet.