Putting my life back together

[NewLeaf]

So today I got this email from my W: "Did you want to go to this before our stargazing thing?"

In reference to an invite from a group of friends to a picnic on Saturday. It's from our core group of friends we've both known since college, and I'd really like to see them.

I guess I'm just not sure how to respond, I feel like it's an opportunity where she's reaching out to spend time, and I can show PMA, be engaging and have fun with her and our friends. For the first time though I'm finding myself unsure that I want to hang out with her for that much time.

Since the affair was revealed in June, seeing her and spending time with her relieved the pain and I was more hopeful with each interaction. Since September, when she stated she wants to go through with the divorce (and continues to see OM), it is sometimes just painful to be around her. I never know how I'll feel one day to the next. Maybe I'm just reading into it and she's not even really going to go, just asking if I was going so she can make plans.


I'm just rambling at this point, time for a dance lesson, going to go clear my head.