Am I the only LD here?

[CharlieBrown]

Amber,

Cadet has good feedback and questions, especially his first point on your total control over the frequency.

As an HD in an SSM, my perspective is the "back-off" approach is a double-edged sword. On one hand, if I don't back off I irritate the heck out of my LD W and push her even further away. On the other hand, when I do back off, she is happy about it and thinks everything is great with us. All the while, I am growing more and more frustrated that nothing is happening from me backing off. This usually ends up with me getting rejected yet again and pushing away from her out of extreme frustration.

And, no matter how much you tell him it is not him but the sex that you are rejecting, if he is like me it won't matter. After all, I am not asking my wife to scrub the floors or pick up after our dog, I am asking her to ML to the man she (supposedly) loves, why wouldn't you want to do that if you were attracted to your H? These are the thoughts that go through my head when I get rejected.

The other thought is how selfish it is. After all, this is part of being married, I am busting my rear to provide for our family, and after we ML things are even better between us. So, what a selfish thing to say no just because you don't feel like it! These thoughts, especially when not expressed, build up and cause great resentment on my part (again, not speaking for your H).

Can't speak to the issue of lasting too long, my experience in in our SSM is infrequency leads to the other end of the spectrum .

CB