Feeling stronger than ever

[mleigh4]

Having a bad day. When will I learn not to talk with my mother about my marriage? She does not understand why I don't file for divorce when I continue to be so unhappy. She gets so frustrated and spurts out at me that H doesn't love me, that he obviously does not want to be married to me, that his actions speak clearly, why can't I see it? She gets so angry at me when I insist that I will not be the one to file.

I know people on the outside don't understand the world of confusion and mixed signals we live in. It's just so hard to never express my pains, especially to my mom.

Anyone else have this problem?

H and I had a little R talk last night which of course did not go well. H still "leaning towards D but not sure it's right thing to do".

I am starting to believe I am a glutton for punishment. My mom has always been verbally abusive and I seem to egg it on with H by asking questions that I know will have painful answers. Is there a name for this and does anyone have any suggested reading? I just can't seem to lay things to rest, I always stir it up which results in my own pain.