yes, labug, I also got How to Improve Your Marriage, too. That amazon bill is going to be a doozy.
so, just blabbering here...
I always find myself down and anxious in two specific scenarios.
1. After I pay bills, I realize how much money we're spending, realize I can't discuss this with H really, realize he's going out to dinner here and there at $200+ a pop (not just him, clearly), realize how badly we need good health insurance which catapults me into anxiety over getting a job and wondering why the 20 jobs I've applied for either think I'm not good enough or I'm TOO good.
2. Nights that I don't have D. She's at H's tonight, just one mid-week night and I do have GAL plans (yoga with friends is GAL, right?) but it's still hard coming home to a big empty house alone.
Sigh. I guess it's good that I recognize the source of my sadness and anxiety instead of spinning out of control with no understanding of why.
H is here working in the studio in the garage. He comes in, helps himself to something in the fridge, comments on my rearranging of the furniture in the family room very nonchalantly ("hey, looks good" with zero inflection) which was VERY difficult given that I'm a small woman moving LARGE furniture all over a room but whatever.
I immediately started mind reading and assuming that he's thinking "I don't know why you're working so hard on moving furniture around, we're selling this house soon." WHAT? Why does my brain do that and go directly to the WORST? And then, I want to react to that mind reading and pursue and temperature check. ACK!
I promised myself I wouldn't mind read because I'm always wrong. It's hard to step out of that mindset though. So, I'm changing my mindset right now. I moved the furniture for ME. I kind of like it (I don't love it but it'll work for now and it changes the perspective of the room and I'm all for any change of perspective right now). I don't really care that much what he thinks about the rearranging of the furniture. So there. Plus, he's probably feeling a bit down because he hasn't gotten a film in a little while and I'm sure he's feeling pressure.
And he's wearing a shirt I complimented him on last week. He's working from home today, he didn't have to wear such a nice shirt to hang out in the studio.
No more mind reading. I just have to talk myself through it. Whew. Not easy but I did it.
