But it's almost like a person addicted to smoking. Ultimately, it has to be THEIR idea. They have to be the one willing to say enough is enough. No amount of outside pressure will change their habits.
True. All you can do is remove yourself from the second-hand smoke. Just because they decide they're not going to quit smoking, doesn't mean they get to continue to do it and still have YOUR presence nearby.
A poster named Jayne once posted on here the best description of boundaries that I've ever read. I saved it:
Jayne, on “boundaries”:
Think about boundaries like this:
Boundaries are not about controlling the other person, because boundaries are about drawing "circles" around *you* and determining what you will and won't allow inside that circle.
Your WxW can do whatever she wants OUTSIDE that circle. You are not telling her what to do.
But you will only let into that circle people who treat you with respect.
She's free to go on treating you with disrespect, but you won't know about it because she'll be outside your circle. She's free to go on and draw his own boundaries of no expectations and no responsibilities, outside your circle.
She can do WHATEVER he wants. She's a free person, free to make WHATEVER choices she wants.
BUT SO ARE YOU, and you are free to choose who to allow within your circle.
That's all. Not about trying to control her at all. Tell her she's totally free. She has the WHOLE WORLD, outside your circle, to go and do whatever she wants.
If she's saying you have to let her into your circle no matter what, then THAT is about HER controlling YOU.
