The reasons for our S changed so often... H big complaint, "deal-breaker" in MC back in January, was that I was "against" his S21.
S21 and I actually got along very well. We had great talks. He confided in me often, and sought me for advice. He trusted me. We disagreed about his behaviors, and general household respect. S21 was used to a house that swore often (in front of my kids) and threw things in anger. I did not want that in my house. That was our impasse.
H did not address this, instead blamed me, and I felt betrayed and unprotected. Before S21 moved in, H was completely different. I probably was, too. Whether it was due to S21, H, or me, the overall chemistry changed big time. Something triggered then. Idk.
At the time of MC in January, nothing had begun to be addressed yet. Also, my issues with S21 were not complicated, and were easily fixable. S21 and I have since worked through them. (S21 experienced the H crazy spewing, I wasn't there to blame, and suddenly I'm not seen as so bad.)
H said I had anger issues. That one threw me a bit... I didn't believe I did. No yelling, name-calling, I don't get confrontational. But, in the recent years, whenever I disagreed with him, H said I scared him. "I'm scared of you right now." I believe he did feel that way. I don't believe I caused it. Not anymore.
Pretty much every excuse H used at the time of S or suicide attempt, has been either fixed, or removed from his life. Time will tell if he ever looks inward.
Pre MLC? H said I was too hard on myself, and I often owned other's problems. Agreed and valid.
Here's a wrench.....
On 2 separate occasions, (suicide attempt and S) my SIL and a close friend, mentioned to me the possibility of H being in a sort of "crisis" before I came into the picture. They wondered if it's possible that he was interrupted by our R, and now he may be back into it.
I don't discuss our sitch with anyone. I don't even see them anymore.
I wasn't here to see how H was before I was here, obviously....so who knows.
H family... 4 parents and 4 sibs....all said he came out of a "low point" when he met me. They were so happy to have the "old H" back again. I heard that all the time. He was smiling and joking again. Was I a bandaid? How awful of a thought.
Who knows. I can only deal with what I have today, I guess.
