I guess I am currently looking at the relationship, she takes, I give .. was always like that, I lost me along the way, lost being " a man" so to speak. She had to be in control of everything and honestly it was not worth the fight to me after awhile. I question how my needs will be filled, I also question the A, there is not remorse from her, I think there is guilt, maybe she is still getting over the A, maybe she is still in the A and just happy to have her and I get along so its no stress in her life I don't know, so there is no closing that chapter and moving on with the next as we have not discussed where we are going .. its just been a month of ... hey everything has been nice, lets not rock the boat ... BUT its been friendly and nothing even remote to a date, romantic, .... nothing more than a hug (sometimes these have been the good hug, ... is that all its going to be?)
With a possible move pending, I am dealing with the emotions of moving last year, knowing in my gut something was wrong (I figured OM) and then 2 months later finding out, reliving those emotions as of late, her having OM and his 2 kids over with mine as "play dates".... holidays ... and with that the pain that comes with it, here come the holidays again. WAW and I had not had sex in 3 1/2 years, I was lead to believe it was her medical issues .... 5 months later she gets an STD from OM .... yeah ... I am still upset about this and honestly thought I was past it, still stings.
You are still pretty fresh with all of this. So it IS gonna sting for a bit...
Just realize that it only stings as much as YOU allow it to sting....
As for the rest...???
I found that I placed too much power into my MLCer's hands and allowed fear to hold me back...
So it wasn't that I didn't know what I wanted to do. It was because I was too afraid to make MY plans to get there...
It also changed for me, when I realized that my MLCer wasn't doing this TO me. And that she was doing this for herself...
And when that happened, I figured out that I had the SAME option. To find out who I was, without all of the MLC head spinning and guilt that the MLCer feels....
