Hey Dawgy. Yeah I know it's tough. My W started her A 18 months ago, moved out of the bedroom 13 months ago and out of the house 10 months ago. I discovered the A 9 months ago, started DBing 6 months ago. The A apparently ended 4 months ago but she still has not moved back home and resists reconciliation. But I have made some progress and baby steps although I have occasional setbacks, like last Friday. But I pick myself up and get back on the program.
Don't obsess over the OM. It does you no good. I know you're in a very fragile sitch right now. You need to figure out what your role in this whole thing was. What needs of hers did you not meet? What are her LLs? How can you detach now and at the same time meet those needs and speak her LL. Don't let the A get in the way of you trying to draw her in. But realize you can only draw her in by backing off yourself. And when there is any interaction between you, you must only push her positive buttons. Try to find those buttons. Start with figuring out her LL.
You've endure much so far and I know it's a rollercoaster ride, but just strap yourself in because it's not over. You can only make this progress faster by improving yourself, learning, gaining more self-awareness and detaching from the sitch - being the best man you can be. Stop any wallowing in self-pity, stand tall, smile, put on a PMA, GAL and be the best husband and father anyone can be.
I know it really hard to do, but I believe it's the only way. Keep your chin up Dawgy. We're all here for you.
M: 59 W: 53 M: 9 yrs T: 14 yrs No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine) W moved out 11/18/2013 D-Day 12/14/2013 W moved back home 12/1/2014
