Wife Is Continuing Affair-When Do I Start LRT?-V

[PeterV2]

Hey Dev, sounds like you've made some baby steps. Let me chime in a bit here.
Don't worry about her schedule or her not being available at night. I know where that takes your mind, but you have to really detach from that. Accommodate her desired timing.

If she is bent on getting appreciation then it seems to me that one of her primary LLs is Word of Affirmation. Have you in the past not given her that appreciation? I would recommend that at appropriate times you tell her how much you appreciated everything she did to raise your kids. Ignore the A and the aftermath. Focus on the positive contributions she made and let her know you noticed them and really appreciate them.

So you feel unappreciated too? Well at this point you'll just need to suck it up and be stoic. If and when you reconcile then there may be a chance to get her to appreciate everything you're doing and have done to protect your kids and save your marriage. Until such a time focus on showing her your appreciation. Think of positive contributions she made when your M was good. Bring those up and thank her for those - really focus on the positive however obscure or old - but only to let her know how much she is appreciated. This may be a 180 for you. If so then it's probably the right approach.

She thinks you don't listen to her? Next time you're talking try reflective conversation (google it: Bruce Muzik reflective conversation). That changes the interactions immensely. It takes a bit of practice and discipline but it really works. I tried it early on and my W said I'm finally listening to her. I should do it more.

By doing those two things, she may want then to spend more time talking with you. That could lead to more connection, which could lead to more quality time with her, which could start filling the empty love bucket.