To forgive

[Georgiabelle]

LT,

I don't want anyone to think I'm the Dalai Lama and have just swept my xh's actions under the rug:-). Forgiveness is a process and I am working through this. I have my moments (particularly when the kids are arguing or I see them struggle) where I think "expletive xh!!!" However, those aren't very frequent.

My dad did something in my teens that really mader angry. He lied repeatedly about somethings that put us in a very precarious financial spot. We relied on the generosity of others to eat and keep the lights on frequently. I was always so close to him and I was *dissapointed and *angered* by his behavior for about 3 years. It was a huge mess that I won't get into. Right before leaving for college I realized something. My Dad did the best he could. It wasn't right, but in his mind he thought what he was doing protected us. As soon as I realized that I forgave him. And I really did. It was hurting ME to hold on to it. He was human and perhaps that was what I realized.

I admit it can feel different with your spouse. I mean we * chose* this person so if they betray that bond of trust, what does that say about us? Attention....mindreading and predicting the future ahead! I don't ever think my xh will apologize to me or the kids. He doesn't think he's done anything wrong so why would he???? That is not the point. I do realize my xh has done the best he can with his non existent coping abilities and fragile mental state. I don't have to like it and now I have every limited interaction with him. However, I don't want to bitter, angry or vengeful. It's too difficult. I can't *expect* him to earn forgiveness because I have no idea if he will ever care. Again, that's about him-not me.

I will get there and you will too. It's okay to be angry and hurt. However, if you never forgive them (in your way and whatever that means to you) then that holds you back from being your best. And that would just sukk!

Hang in there and be kind to yourself:-)