Nitty in a Nutshell #2

[Nitty]

Thanks, Shakespr, Matt165, Caliguy, Atsbaby, and Ahoy, for your encouragement.

nmwb123, never give up hope, but keep your focus on you. So many times I've believed we were truly over and yet somehow we still have a chance. There is always a chance.

Wonka, Mr. Gritty and I did 8 sessions of MC after the BD for his EA, but then he confessed that he really had a PA, left me to go back to her, told me to cancel all future MC appts. Since then he's been adamantly opposed to MC, even after he told me he'd broken up with her. That's why I was so encouraged when he agreed to conflict resolution as part of D mediation. Even tho the purpose was merely to keep the D civil, I felt it would help our relationship.

TRYING TO HOLD THE COURSE

Mr. Gritty is out of town this week. For the first time in over year he is sending me very frequent and very affectionate texts. He tells me he loves me, that he is going to work on the R, how he will make everything up to me. The polar opposite of the GritStorms of last months.

In a matter of days my concern has gone from him railroading us through D... to him railroading us through R. Too soon and too fast.

Shakespr used the term "mercurial". Yes. That is what he's been during the separation. Emotions changing like quicksilver within hours, sometimes minutes. But this is BY FAR the biggest positive change in his attitude toward me since the BD. There've been thousands of negative ones, LOL.

I was stressed yesterday about my not answering his texts promptly. I have to work, I have meetings, I had C yesterday afternoon... I've never been tied to my phone. That was one of his complaints about me he had before the BD, that I "never returned" his texts.

Not true... I would return them when I saw them. He saw any delay as a lack of respect because he takes his phone everywhere. One of my complaints about him was he was constantly texting. And of course now I know that before the BD he was texting her.

Yesterday when I'd find a bunch of texts, I knew he'd be upset. I knew he'd feel like I was ignoring him. Pre-BD I would jump in and say, "Sorry! I was in a meeting with X and Y!" I'd explain everything. I got worse immediately after the BD. After he left me I didn't need to worry about answering texts because he rarely sent any, except for business.

But now I have the mindset that how he reacts is not my business. So I let it go. I would respond to the texts when I found them, without apology but with affection.

One of my text breaks yesterday was my IC appointment. My C is concerned about me. He told me I must hold on to my recent independence and confidence and not lose it if I let Mr. Gritty back in my life. He asked me if I remembered all the bad stuff Mr. Gritty said and did.

The C asked me to read a book by Pia Mellody on love addiction and I felt...embarrassed? I asked him, "You think I'm a love addict?" The C said no, but he thought it would help me keep from repeating negative habits.