Gottman stuff is good. Did you look at How To Improve Your Marriage....?

So to the question "Did you do X yet?" create a positive back story, that's how my husband asks questions, straight and to the point.(keeping in mind, a jerk is a jerk) I can either take no offense, be offended or talk with him about how that question bothers me.

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss