This is terrifying - I hope you understand

[labug]

So I will start by saying, to no one in particular, my W deserved a better version of me than the one she got. What I deserve is irrelevant, and something for me to deal with much later.

I think many of us can say and admit to that, thats where we start the game plan of what to change first, and how to become a better version of ourselves.

My actions created in her a long-term pain that I minimized and tried to sweep under the rug. I have indeed, improved too little, too late.

Ok .. mt opinion here. I have read here a few times (I had to .. and its starting to sink in) that long term pain you caused her, its not going to be gone/forgotten/fogiven inside of a couple months while your WAW is looking to get out of your M. You can not un do those things and make it go away that fast .... you have to change for you, not for her ... she will see through it ... even if you land her back its a band aide fix, this fix needs to stick... and more importantly ... your W needs to trust it.

I am lost. I need to really listen, to my W when she chooses to talk to me, to those on this forum, to MWD through her book, and find what works. I need to do what works! And soon. My fear that it is too late shouldn't stop me from DR/DB'g to the best of my ability.

Its not to late, its never to late to better yourself. My advice .... and it took me a bit. STOP looking at the prize, looking at this as a game to win, getting her back can not be the goal here. Becoming a man she wants, any woman would want, work on YOU, that's where you need to focus this energy. I know its tough, believe me, months spent reading in an empty bedroom all alone, it [censored] ... but for me it was the journey I had to go through to start becoming who I needed to be. I am not there yet, not sure if I will be that man for my W .. but I am starting to accept who I am, who I want to be and I am comfortable in my own skin. (its been a year for me since BD .... and I still hope for R of my M)

I really don't know what to do. But I will start with being "present" and quiet, without crowding. I don't know what I'm competing against, but I must do what I can to erase or contrast who I am today with the man who did all this damage. But I can be still, and listen.

And get out of the house frequently, plan some GAL other than the workouts. Because, in all likelihood, nothing I do is going to change that woman's mind about me.

I need to stop hoping for a breakthrough.

A few tips, do these things for you, and dont tell her as the book says.
Be mysterious, you want her to take notice, become confused, there is a reason GAL, 180, PMA are the cornerstone triple threat techniques on the board. These build YOU up, makes you focus on the one thing you have control over ... YOU. you have to stop obsessing over her as hard as that is, I relate, but you have to for YOU.

Hope it helps, and may be a bit of a 2x4, but I just read your stuff and I see me from a year ago, I made those mistakes and it put me back 6 months atleast. Keep working, we are rooting for you.

All very good advice from CaliGuy. You've hurt your W in ways that are difficult for you to grasp and she will never be "over" it. She may forgive you, she may at some point think about taking another look at you but for now, you should proceed in the direction she's leading. Love and respect her enough to let her go, with dignity and grace.

And then dedicate yourself to finding out what drove you to treat your W in that way. What are you so angry about? What is your need to control about? Those answers are inside you and you probably need more than and internet message board to get to them.

Who is the man you want to be?