WE feel like they are doing horrible things and that they are trying to hurt us.
THEY feel like they are trying to fix something in their lives.
The spewing...is how they push is away. The more we resist, the more they have to spew. To push harder, until we stop resisting.
It doesnt mean they dont care. It doesnt mean they dont worry about us or our kids. It doesnt mean they are unfeeling monsters and whether we want to believe it or not...this process hurts them just as much as it hurts us.
They believe they tried, during the time we thought things were ok.
That is why we feel blindsided. That is why they push us away. When it becomes safer for them to be nice, they usually do.
I am curious though, how was the communication between the two of you really? I would think that anything regarding the kids would be conversation relevant even if he wasnt a part of the decision making process.
I try very hard with BF to discuss everything regarding children. Sometimes it means nothing more than having a conversation, but he is included in that part of my life like any other and the same with his children.
Anyway...just thinking out loud here.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
