... A question like "have you done X yet?" sounded to me like a major judgment and criticism, ...
Oh man, I need to put that on my 180 list, too. That's exactly how I feel. My first reaction, regardless if it's done, is, "Quit micromanaging me."
I see it as nagging, which gets no one anywhere. There are 1,000 other ways to phrase this in order to gain information.
I will say though that if H said this to me I'd know it was just to gain information and not to criticize me or nag me. He may even preface it with "I'm not trying to nag, I'm just curious if you've done this yet". I have to TRUST that he's genuine in his attempt to gain information. If he's not, that's his problem. My job is to take it at face value, right? Not easy for sure.
