In limbo, need to figure out next steps (thread #5

[shodan]

Emotionally, I am less and less there for her. Every once in a while, we talk about her job, the stress that she has, how she misses the kids when she travels, etc. I try to listen but other times I just say "you are a big girl, I am sure you will figure it out." This detaching seemed to be working as she was seemed to be nicer towards me, wanted to be around me more, etc.

So I was doing OK with detaching from her until I found the tickets to the concert this week. That is the problem with snooping...it can set you back emotionally. Before that I was doing well with detaching and figured that I would give her her space. I was thinking perhaps she had ended things with the OM? Perhaps she was still confused about everything? But then I found the tickets, which set me back. It is just lies, lies and more lies.

I also don't want to jump to conclusions (one of my 180s). I have no idea if she still is with the OM. I have no idea whom she intended to bring to this concert. I just don't know anything because there is no transparency. I just don't believe her, ever.

Last I spoke with my DB coach, her advice was just to back off and detach. Give her time and space. Focus on myself, my kids, GALing, detaching, etc.


As you have said before, I don't think my W senses that she is losing me. She did comment today that I seemed irritated with her, to which I commented that I was not. But she knows that I want this M to work (ideally). My actions need to change clearly. I have told her to just move to NYC and that we would both benefit from the separation. She refuses to do that. She said she does not want to do that to the kids.

uggh...this is so hard.