Lots of crying today. Just can't seem to shake that feeling of abandonment and worthlessness. I know it's part of the roller coaster but I wish this would pass. Just so sad. I miss being held.
Ahoy, I am right there with you. I had a June BD and late July S. No movement since then. At least my WAW has not been an A$$ like that, and I also don't have your health issues to deal with. You are strong just for standing on two feet today. I know all about the roller coaster, too. I was thinking of making a graph of my emotions. I was really flying high from mid August until about 2 weeks ago, now I'm down in a hole again, but feel like I'm climbing back out. The only thing that has got me out of these dips is to keep pursuing GAL/detach, and seeking companionship throughout the day. I thought I didn't really have friends at work until all of this went down. As people started finding out, I have been blown away at the hearts of people. When the well runs dry for a day or two with people around you, that's (partially) what these forums are for. Or if you're struggling late at night, etc. We're listening! As soon as I saw Ahoy on the front page again, I clicked, because we are on such similar timelines.
I also understand your apprehension for contacting an L. I have the same reservations, for the same reasons. But I also don't have your medical situation. It really sounds like you need to protect yourself in that regard. Perhaps you could speak with an L and be upfront that you do not want to file. If they push for that, you walk out. I'm sure you know, but medical bills in situations like that could be life changing.
Remember, right now he is not the man that you married 15 years ago, or maybe even the man you were married to 1 year ago. He is a different, selfish, seemingly terrible person right now. Do not operate like he is the same man. If you don't want to give up on the M, which I commend, don't lose hope that the previous man (or a new and improved one) could return someday. But at the same time, don't expect anything like that. Changes like that will be a long road, and it will be initiated by him. So in the meantime, focus on yourself. #1 priority is your health, so start there.
What is your support system like (close friends, family) in your immediate area?
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
