too late?

[jim0987]

Hi all

For the last couple of years I have neglected my wife. I have never doubted how much I love her but I've always felt inadequate for her.

There was a brief time when my sense of inadequacy got the better of me (she went for drinks with an ex) and I was horrible to her but when I realised what I was doing I stopped and apologised. A couple of months later her dad died and unfortunately my sense of inadequacy reared its head and I just wasn't there for her - the opposite in fact.

Since then I thought I had it under control and that although things weren't great its was OK, in fact i started to get grumpy that my wife always seemed sad and wasnt trying. My wife continued to be sad but I put it down to the other stresses in her life . I didn't listen to what she was telling me which was that she felt I didn't trust her and that I continued to act petty and jealous (my words not hers). So she withdrew and I got more resentful.

The last few months seemed to be getting better until....

Two weeks ago she had a bad day and did the practical support rather than the emotional support. I sensed I had done something wrong but didn't say anything. Instead I festered til bedtime wheb I had a bit of an outburst about her not loving me. She said she didn't want to talk about and the next day was frosty. In the evening once the kids were in bed she went to a friends.when she got home she said something about me not asking if she had a nice time to which I replied 'why would i , you probably spent the whole evening complaining about me' a row followed.

Next day was even more frosty until I had an outburst of 'why don't you love me ? Why do you shut me out?' After it calmed down we talked and she said that she doesn't love me hasn't for a while and wants a divorce. I was devastated.

Over the next couple of weeks I tried to talk her round. Messaged her friends, tried to put my case to her mum - all the while just further confirming that I was insecure and needy. I can't think how I could have done a better job of pushing her away.

Anyway so its now about 16 days since she said she wants a divorce. She is pushing head with lawyers etc. And says its not worth trying as there is no love to try with. She seems to hate me and can't stand to be in the same room as me. I still love her more than I can express with words.

So all of this has made me reflect and realise just what an idiot I've been and know what I need to do to be the husband she deserves. Number 1 is ditch the insecurities.

So I'm asking is it too late to save my marriage? Is there anything I can do? Is it worth telling her what I now realise or will that just push her away?

Thanks