Need Help before I blow a fuse.

[25yearsmlc]

Had a decent day yesterday. What I didn't do and I now know to do is that when my W talks to me is look at her with loving eyes and pay attention.

Glad you now know. Did you read the Div Busting book or the Div Remedy book? I think they both touch on "active listening" but in any event, DO read those books. I thought you had...anyhow, keep this small but important change, going. It really helps you to "gather intel" and to know what your w is really saying. Not what you fear she means, but what she is saying.

And it helps to "re-cap" what you think she just said, so she can hear and know you really listened AND so you can be sure you got it right. Both are valuable goals. I suggest doing this for any discussions with people.


I have been so focused on the negatives for so long it is hard change your mindset and to be patient, very very patient and to concentrate on the positives.


Again, this ^^ is one of those tools that helps in life overall, not just these situations. I HIGHLY recommend you learn to adopt this as a life approach.

There are two TED TALKS on youtube that you might enjoy and get a lot out of. One is by Amy Cuddy called "Faking it til You Become It" and another one by Shawn Achor called "The Power of Positivity" and

both videos are about 20 minutes. Very good to learn.


I did not see my W after supper (she was in a decent mood) until she came into the office this morning and she was in a terrible mood; had a scowl on her face. This is when I most want to engage but know I shouldn't so I didn't.


why is this when you "most" want to engage her? I'd say it's the worst time.


Disengaging is so hard.....Does it get better with time?


Yes. Even just 10 days of a new behavior can be a milestone that is pivotal. It'll mean you actually CAN change something in you. Try it.


I have been GALing. Got my Open Water Scuba Certificate, which came in the mail yesterday. MY W maybe upset over this

So what?

You have no control over how she feels AND you had a good reason for it AND you can afford it AND you did not hide it from her.

Enough with the worrying. Stop that, or it'll be more of the "panic attack" mode you are done with.

Okay?


since both of my kids are certified. I had asked her three times over the last year if she wanted to but she found a way of saying no, even tho I think she really wanted too. Because of the kids it is something I wanted to do so I just did it.

No, you did not "Just do it". You had a lot of reasons. Don't negate them now.

I have also started an exercise program (CrossFit) with my S.

Good stuff. Are you doing any GAL with NEW people who don't know your sitch? That really does help you NOT obsess about her, you get stimulated in ways that do not remind you of your wife or situation and--

Plus it gives you an air of mystery.


Because my W and I work and own the business together, days like today are hard but I am keeping my distance because I know the only one I can change is myself.

Indeed you are. So, what else do you have planned for your 180s and GAL?