FINALLY SURFACING

[Fartiltre]

I had a long and nice talk with shrink Thursday morning.
We addressed three issues in my life:
- Me continuing on my path
- New woman (NW)
- WTF happened over the past 3,4 or 5 months

Shrinks opinion is rather clear.
I haven’t changed me! I have simply peeled of some layers and gotten the true me back. She tells me that a change that fast and consistent is not learning new ways – it’s taking away unwanted things.

She tells me to take it slow with NW but also to enjoy.

She tells me to stick with the things that make me happy. To keep doing them and if NW wants to join in then welcome her, but if not then still keep doing them. Things are fatherhood, GAL, exercise, friends, educating and developing me, work.
She also tells me to stay away from things that makes me unhappy. That list is so short People that I do not feel comfortable around.
In short she tells me the same as I hear here: Stick with your happy life and integrate a woman if possible – otherwise stay single. NW and I have talked about this and she feels the same way about her life and journey.

I will make a list and then I will start keeping track of my doings so I will be able to evaluate. I will give the list to shrink and she will help me to stick with it!

She tells me that the fear I have about not being ready for women (W, NW or others) is rubbish. We had a good talk about this. She saw the change settling in several months ago and sees me as ready for life.

We didn’t have nearly the time needed so I booked a new time Monday.
We adressed my focus once again and my problems in the lower regions. I simply do not “function” as I should and it is starting to annoy and worry me big time!

NW and I spend three hours in a bed friday afternoon – three hours! Looking back I believe that three minutes might be the average! We talked, laughed, cuddled and then started over – the hours just passed by. She stayed here from Monday 2pm till Tuesday 2pm as well. Great time containing it all.

I had a good talk with friend friday as well. He knows W and likes her. He told me that it all seems so unfair to W. That NW now gets this new me and doesn’t know the history. That if W feels angry, wondering, hurt or whatever about me being who I am now – he understands. I agree fully with him. I also understand W. I should have done this years ago. Shrink and I also talked shortly about this. Shrink told me that I wouldn’t have been able to. That I needed a major kick in the head to wake up. W gave me that by leaving. I also believe that shrink is spot on.


MrBond,
Thanks for taking the time to advice and help me once again

Just my 2 cents. Right now you're experiencing the same "fog" that the WASs experience. You are feeling the high of a new relationship, feeling as if you are finally awakened, etc. But to be honest, these were the same feelings you had with W when you first got together. Over time those feelings get forgotten.
In fact, if you were to compare what you just posted to what WASs involved in an A say, you will find that they are eerily similar.

I understand this very well and I agree! The “in love” feeling is different probably due to age but the feeling of being acknowledged is the same. It does feel great and it makes me feel better.
…and yes – it was the same feelings I experienced when I met W. Still there is one major difference. I understand the feelings and I believe I have the knowledge that makes me capable of taking one step back and look at the situation. In fact I believe this is what gives me doubts about what I am doing and I do have doubts.
I understand that the in-love-feeling will fade or we forget it.

Take the time to really take it slow and GROW the relationship if that's what you really want.

I don’t know what I really want to be honest. I knew some weeks ago or thought I knew, but now I am split in three parts as I described in my previous post. I know I want to be happy and I am getting closer and closer to actually knowing what makes me happy and what makes me unhappy. I want to continue working me, but in regards of women I have no idea about what I want. New woman just surfaced. I didn’t look for it actively but then again I didn’t turn her down. She makes me feel happy at the moment. On a bigger time scale I have no idea. W doesn’t make me feel happy at the moment and on the bigger time scale I have no idea. So when I put on my calculating, lizard, ever-spinning, fixer male-brain I believe I would be a very stupid man not to investigate this new woman – still from an honest angle. Then again it might just be the “fog” that makes me think that way.
I have read so much for the past year about personal development, love, relationships, sex, attraction and so on but my knowledge in regards of growing an R is close to nothing. Right now I simply take it day-by-day.

I agree with sandi. It did seem very quick and it's not uncommon. The LBS feels so neglected that any positive interaction "suddenly" seems like a miracle and they feel a sudden sense of love. Over time, like every other relationship, those feelings will fade.

I also agree to this but what on earth am I supposed to do then  New woman makes me feel good and when I look at her objectively (as objectively as I am capable of) she seems to be one fantastic human being.
I believe that the change in me occurred weeks ago so I do not see NW as the cause. She definitely has speeded the process but she didn’t start it. I didn’t miss that part of my life until I suddenly experienced it.

MrBond – I hope the above makes sense. I agree with you but I also think that there is a second side to this. It is not like I became single yesterday and just rushed out in a new R. I do hope that all the knowledge I feel I have in my bag now will help me choose the right path and make the right choices. For now I choose to focus on me and what makes me feel good. Don’t know what else to do!


FYoung,
Always good to hear from you – thanks for taking the time!

I agree with MrBond. Just like a spouse in an A, you are seeing the world through magical glasses because you are now in limerence. Feel good chemicals are being released in your brain, causing you to crave more. This craving is so strong it will easily overcloud all logic.

I understand! I try to step back and apply logic and objectivity all the time. It’s not easy because the”feel-good-feeling” pulls me in the opposite direction.

I'm not saying you are doing anything wrong or making a mistake.

I know and I didn’t read your post this way! I know you mean only good!

Just understand that this stage you are in typically lasts 6-24 months. Ultimately, there is no way to know if this R will be any better than one with your W until you get through this period and see what you two have on the other side.

I agree once again! I am not looking for a quick fling with anybody. I want a meaningful R with somebody I connect with. Case is that I have no idea if I connect with New Woman yet. That will take more time, more talks and walks – and then at some point children, practical’s and all of that will hit daily life.
For now she makes me feel good. I enjoy her company in every way possible.
At the moment the only reason I see for me and W getting back together is children. W is maybe still the lovely lady I met years ago, but I have no idea.

Meeting someone and connecting like you and new women have is actually one of my fears. I want to continue to stand for my M, because I know my W is worth it, and I know how difficult a dream girl would make it to continue to stay on track.

I never even looked at this possibility. Never saw it possible until it suddenly happened to me. I understand your POV and wonder about my own if I hadn’t met New Woman. I would probably still be standing!
Case is that this just happened so fast

Enjoy each day and take care, my friend.

Thanks FY – I will …remember to do the exact same thing!