I've held off responding to game requests. I received 2 texts this morning. I responded to the first one, after 3 hours. I haven't responded to the second one.
I saw them come in, and at first, I deliberately put the phone down and went back into job hunt mode. I posted a few things here. Then I forgot. Now I don't even want to respond.
H asked if he can stop by after work today, and bring the graduation and birthday cards for my sons, from his parents. ILs were going to mail the cards. H said he would bring them to us. That was over 2 months ago. Graduation was over 3 months ago.
I haven't confirmed that I'll meet him. It's not that I will or won't. I just want to pay attention to what I'm thinking and feeling about this.
I am finding ways of distracting myself because I don't like how this feels. I feel different and I can't identify why. It's scaring me a little.
I'm scared because I'm not the least bit eager about possibly seeing him. I'm scared because I'm hurting, but it's feeling more angry. I'm not angry often. I don't know where to go with it. I don't know how to feel this. I've been reactive in anger before. But this isn't that. I don't have the tools to work through this feeling. I can't explain.
