It's good to hear that I'm not alone in my reactivity. It's not something I like about myself though I'll admit, I always felt it was justified (if he wouldn't attack me, I wouldn't react!). Little did I know that I, in part, provoke the "attack" by my constant defensiveness, offensiveness, black and white thinking, ignoring his feelings or failing to recognize that he even HAS feelings at all.
You are definitely not alone. I struggle with this, too. H has a mouth like a razor and I felt justified in snapping at him occasionally. I was always frustrated that he never saw his role in it. But, now I realize that I can only control ME, right? I'm working on it. I read a book about listening this summer, that has helped some, but it's still an inner struggle not to snap sometimes.
