Just a thought and Claire, this may work well for you but for me it was something that was toxic. A defense mechanism from the past that I had to jettison.
"I'm starting to rehearse possible interactions and responses (my daughter definitely thinks I'm a nut, she asks me a lot in the car, "mom, who are you whispering to?"). I know my first step is to get to a place where I can say "let me think a minute" or "let me get back to you" because right now I'm not even there yet. The words just come flying out of my mouth before I can even think about catching them let alone taking a time out. "
So what do you do when the conversation doesn't go the way you rehearsed? I have a feeling this relates to your fear-based prickly responses.

What if I don't know the answer? I won't say the right thing. I'll sound stupid. Someone will get the better of me. Everything hinges on this one conversation.

Does any of this ring a bell for you, Ss?

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss