Shocked and freaked out

[Seattle]

Sorry if my messages are too long!

[labug]

I asked on another thread you commented on what your motive would be for exposing the affair?

You mind read a lot. 3/4 of what you wrote up there is stuff from your mind, not reality. I know this situation is tough and it is hard to believe that what we' go through and just how painful it is. But causing her more pain won't make your pain go away and it won't bring your W closer to you. Shame is a poor tool to use.

Do you want your W to come back because she loves you and wants to be with you or because she feels forced due to outside pressures?

What are you doing to improve you?

[Seattle]

There is a lot of evidence dont you think? I feel justified having these feelings.

For my gal:
Exercising a lot, hanging with friends, a golf trip, diving back into work, tennis

[labug]

A lot of evidence for what?

You can have whatever feeling you have but that doesn't mean you react towards others based on what you're feeling IN THAT MOMENT.

You didn't answer the questions, what do you hope to accomplish by exposing to her parents (of all people)? What is your motive?

[Seattle]

To wake up. I think she is telling people we arent working out and she is unhappy when that is partly true but also that she has found someone else. The narrative she is building is missing a critical element....the OM

I want her to snap out of the fog.

[labug]

Snap out of the fog and do what?

How do you know she's in a fog?

You THINK she's telling people, there's the mindreading again. And if she is telling them that, why does it matter?

You're trying to control her and that won't work. Not in any true and lasting way.

[Seattle]

Snap out of the fog and come back to me.

I am just so nervous that because we have cut out marriage counseling things are just going to slide further down hill. She is going to counseling on her own though.

I don't know that she is in a fog. I've just read so much on the Internet that maybe I have convinced myself that she is based off of her actions. She was/is acting like someone I don't even know. That was more in July/August than now. This desire for 'fun' and a 'spark' and her EA with this guy at work suggest she has feelings for him that she hasnt felt for me in a while.

Yes, I am trying to control the situation. I think that is one of my problems in general that I need to work on. However, let's keep some perspective here. This is my life and I would like to have some input into the outcome.

I agree with what you are saying. She needs to come back because she loves me and realizes it not because she is guilted into it.

[labug]

"This is my life and I would like to have some input into the outcome."

Then control what you can control...you.

[Seattle]

I just found out she called two different lawyers yesterday. Is she trying to get more information and figure out which one she wants to use? This is now beyond 'exploring' and 'learning her options' - she is actually figuring out which lawyer to use. This is not going to end well for me.

[SunnyB]

I just found out she called two different lawyers yesterday. Is she trying to get more information and figure out which one she wants to use? This is now beyond 'exploring' and 'learning her options' - she is actually figuring out which lawyer to use. This is not going to end well for me.

Seattle, you don't actually know what she's doing unless she tells you. I have consulted two Ls, and have zero plans to take any legal action. I just wanted to be informed.