Wow, you did have a great birthday. And it was a way better birthday because you are being your best and truest self.
You are not playing games, not pretending to be someone you're not in order to reel her in. You are being your best self because you are being true to yourself and God, and in so doing, are being true to everyone else (including her).
This is still a struggle for me but you sound like you're nailing it.
Oh I would not say "Nailing It" ... lol I too struggle but there are parts of me, changes I have made that I do like about myself now ... other area I still have some serious remodeling to do
Originally Posted By: Nitty
Going to church (after her hint that there was no reason to go) was perfect because 1) it was authentic and 2) it had nothing to do with her.
I like how you just let the possible Tuesday date go. But let's say she did have a date last Tuesday: how can any OM compare to what she has left behind? She's got to see that and if she doesn't, she isn't ready to follow you on this path. I feel like this is a weakness of mine. I feel like I am turning back to meet Mr. Gritty and try to help him along. I do not want to lose the hard-won changes I've made.
I think that's where I struggle, just the way she is .. nothing is ever enough, and to be honest she just has never appreciated what she has, there is always something better ... she is aware of this behavior to a point .. but its still deeply rooted inside of her. [/quote]
Quote:
I think after that I will press a bit and see where she is with the OM, if she will now agree to work on the M, or if I need to cut the cake eat if that's still going on
As you continue to gently pull away that would be a form of pressing it a bit, wouldn't it? I keep thinking of Starsky's story, where he was moving on, living his best life, and she started to realize she was losing him and told him so, which was where he told her what needed to be done to work on the M. [/quote]
And this is a perfect transition into my update..... I am not so sure if I am in fact pulling away. (Hang with me I am frustrated this morning) I told her 3 weeks ago that I wanted to work on M, there can be no contact with OM, I would want a NC and full transparency .... she made her counter points .. valid .. so we kind of decided on a truce more or less for a bit .. no time set ... but honestly things have been good since we have done that ... limbo ... but good.
I have to find a new place, the woman who rented me a room met a fella online, 3 months later they are in love and getting married, she is selling the house (I wonder which one will be at this forum first .. lol) So, some of the old anger seems to have come back, here I am again ... with the dog and my S part time trying to find a room and an environment safe for both and will be accepting of my sitch. I found a place last night ... seems a good fit .... but I am upset as I know her lease is up in 2 months ... rather than commit and say ok .. lets get a house and work on our M and have our family back ... there is nothing. Now before you all pull out the 2x4's ... I get it .. we are not there, not ready ... but it just makes me have to realize that its going to be another year of this, she will either renew the lease at her appt where her and OM were able to do their thing (On MY BED) ... or she finds a new place and again .. another year lease.
I thought I had let go of some of that ^^ anger ... but its still there, still hurts ... and I was not prepared to deal with the truth that I still have a long journey ahead, still have the holidays to suffer through alone for the second year.
I heard yesterday in a sermon, that people who journal their pain are healthier, less depressed, and end up happier ... I hope that is true, getting this out here does help.
So this morning I dropped off S, reminded W that I needed to sign the tax docs, she asked me what was wrong, if she did anything, I told her I was just having a bad day and I am dealing with it ... little backslide on my PMA but I did not take it out on her, she asked about my headaches and I said it was there but I see the optometrist Thursday. I asked about her brother and told her to keep me informed and I left. Very well could have been a fight had I opened up and told her what I was feeling ... but I kept it under wraps .. so maybe a small victory for the home team.
