New here, my fairytale gone wrong

[fthnluv]

A lot has happened since I last posted. H came home on 9/18 to be with the kids while I went on my cruise on 9/19. The morning of 9/19 I found a business card for a jewelry store with information on a engagement/wedding band set and size 6 on it. I told him that morning before I left that I knew for sure that there is another woman and that he needed to respect me enough to stop lying about it. He finally admitted there was another woman.

No contact (except about the kids) while I was on my cruise but when I got back last night I found he had removed many of his things from our home. Clothes, documents, guns, etc. I confronted him about this and he gave more stupid excuses, such as that he can't trust me. He said I have hurt him with my words and he is afraid I will hurt him again. I told him it was ironic to hear him say I have hurt him with my words when he is destroying me and our family with his ACTIONS. He then tried to lie about the business card and say it was for a cross pendant he wanted for himself but I told him I see through his lies and he finally admitted it was for her but tried to claim he is not serious about her (that they were just browsing), when I pointed out that he wouldn't have kept it if that was true he admitted that they are serious and then he admitted that they currently live together in PA and later told me that they have been dating since sometime earlier this year (he's trying to say about April but then it also sounds like at least casual since January of this year). She is an "employee" who he has worked with since November 2013. He also revealed that he signed a lease on the apartment that they are living in in January and that he did it at that time for work reasons and did not move in with her until June 2014. He is clearly very protective of her and does not want any of this to be blamed on her. I told him that I do not blame her but there is no way he could truly be working on our marriage this year as he claimed he had been with her waiting in the wings. He won't admit to that truth. He says we are all looking for a reason he is doing this like "another woman" or a "midlife crisis" and that those are just not true. Ironic. The other woman and your denial of a midlife crisis are just more checkmarks on the list of what men in midlife do.

I told him that I will continue to stand for our marriage and for what is best for us, our kids and God and that she is not a "deal-breaker" for me. I believe, with God's help I can forgive this one day. I told him that his affair does not hurt as much as the continued lying and deceptiveness of what he did. He has made me the fool, and I don't appreciate it one bit. I told him that I know he does not understand why I believe in our marriage and the restoration of it but that he doesn't need to, I just need him to know why I am behaving the way I am. He said that I will have to have faith enough for both of us, I told him that I do.

We hugged and held each other a lot and that gave me some hope. Not trying to put too much into it, either, though. He admitted that he and the other woman are sexual (which hurts to the bone) so I know he's getting his physical needs met by her. But, I think he can't deny the connection between us too.

He then went for a drive for a while and came back and said "Are you ok? I mean really ok? Because this is a side of you I've never seen and I'm scared of you. Either you are having a mental breakdown or you are full of God's grace like I've never seen." I told him I am most definitely full of God's grace and that I know it is true because this world and who I have been are not someone who could be reacting as I am. He thanked me for the grace but then went on to tell me that he will not reveal the OW's name (or age) to me for fear that I might do something to her or call and start harassing her. I guess I can understand the harassing part but I truly have no desire to contact her at all, I will let God deal with them and what they are doing that is so clearly against His word. He later told me that he is afraid of me (mentally and physically, which is funny because I am only 5 ft 100 lbs and he's 5'11" and 200 lbs and I've never been violent towards him) and he then left the home when it was time to go to bed because he was afraid of me while he slept. He came back in time to get the kids to school and will be back, briefly, in a bit to bring back my little one and then head to the airport to go "home" and be with her. Ugh. My stomach is in knots, it is our anniversary today and he will likely be celebrating it by having sex with her. I don't know how I am going to get through this pain he is causing me, but I know that I can one day, with God's help.

I have told him that if he does not change the date on the divorce papers to our correct separation date I will contest that. He said he needs to talk with his lawyer about the ramifications of that, I'm sure once he discovers that we cannot divorce until 2 years from the real date in PA he will go crazy about that and try to argue that point.

Somehow, through all of this my strength to stand has just been deepened. I have never felt so sure that this is not completely over between us. The only issues we have between us now are the OW, the valuation of his business and whether or not I own part of it (this seems to be a biggie for him, he says it has no value because if he did not work it will not make $) and the fact that I tell our kids the whole truth, including that Daddy *could* get some sort of job here or we could move there and be a family but he is choosing not to do either of these things right now. I believe they deserve the truth, even if it makes him look bad. I haven't told them (and neither has he) that there is OW. No reason to, yet. He does not plan to bring her around them anytime soon he says.