Magingmagic, where'dja go??

[makingmagic]

Hey Matt... nice to hear from you!!

I totally agree on backing off... its hard to do, because you "think" you can be all comfortable & treat it like your old relationship... BUT YOU CANT. Its like holding a brand new baby. It requires special care. It requires LOTS of sleep (time & space) Thats the hardest for me... I am anxious to spend all time with him. I keep "offering" ways to do this.

Still learning independence. This is difficult to achieve while still living at parents. My responsibility here is NIL. This plays an important part on the above statement, as he is loaded with responsibility and this occupies his time. I still have too much time. I am grateful for my Monday night meetings & friends who keep me busy. I also figure its a good time to focus on things I have been neglecting, like doctor/dentist appointments, banking paperwork, going through old clothes, ... time to purge.

With each day, I am beginning to have more confidence as I can gain confidence in where this relationship is going (even if snail pace)... so, this can guide me to do the above stuff that I have procrastinated on for so long due to hyper focusing on him. It is TIME to take the focus off him. Hopefully now I can do that!!

Yes, I need to "think" before reacting... Responding is a better way.

I DO need to be pursued... I do need to ensure that this is what HE wants, not just because I want it. As for the "shape up" or he may lose me comment, I am not sure he has ever felt that .... is it too late to gain some of that?

I never used to have jealousy pre bomb, I was VERY confident in myself & our relationship (now, I feel someone could steal him)... i need to control this reaction much better. Thanks for pointing it out... I do "know" that I am the better woman, although it just kills me to be weakened like this. He plays games too. He likes to joke around and makes comments to make me jealous... and I react. This in turn, has got me into playing the game back... and I really don't want to play this way.

Also, I realize that he is slowly making gestures and baby steps towards coming back, however I do sense his guard/caution more often than the baby steps. He is not yet wiling to admit we are more than "seeing how things go". Even discussing our upcoming trip just yesterday, I referred to it as a "vacation". He got a little defensive and asked if I am telling others its a vacation? I sensed his fear, and replied that I have said not really... just that I may be going away soon. He wants others to "think" its for business. I asked him for clarity "is it a vacay or business?" he stated, "well, we will spend 1/2h on business and then have nice dinners, beach, relax, etc"......so??

I realize he is scared to death of being "trapped" back in our relationship again, and therefore ANY/ALL words or feelings of being directed ... makes him run. I believe this is due to the fact that he feels it was never "his" decision to enter into our LTCR & living together, even though he fully enjoyed it and wants it back. Apparantly, I pursued far too strong & it was a difficult task to finally get out??? I was very demanding of being a "family"... even though he admits to enjoying everything. He must feel that he never got to chose it. Therefore, I need to let this "choice" be HIS..... Yes, he must NOT be controlled. I am certain that he still feels me trying to control him again.

Pass the duct tape, control dial & clock!!!

Yes, OPPORTUNITIES to test myself on what I have learned. To put into practice & to be the change I have been teaching myself. Throughout this time, all I have ever wanted was an opportunity.... I guess it has arrived. Now, I need to pass the test!! Yes, act differently than what I used to.

I do believe that purchasing this new location was what he needed to do before being able to begin to put some effort back into our R. Our R is not his focus AT ALL... our R, is still the bottom of the list. Not quite where it should be. I don't think he has ever felt a sense of loss from me. Maybe just more like it was time after realizing that the grass isn't so green "out there" and maybe his grass would be green, if he just watered it.

Thank you for pointing out that this is "make or break" time... I really need to not be baited, not react, put all my DB lessons into practice & BE the woman I have been training to be. I am scared to death of screwing this up & falling back into the old patterns. I am scared that he is already a little to complacent with our R.

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3 things that I need to put on the pros list:

~ he reaches to kiss me goodbye
~ he referred to my old nickname twice last Thursday
~ he asks for me to text him when I get in (after late night driving)

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I need to "pull" (attract) not PUSH!!