On the brink, need a miracle

[Onguard]

This past weekend was my wife's birthday. We had plans the night before her birthday to have dinner with a few couples but she cancelled because things are too awkward. Basically, all of our good friends know about the sitch because she told her girlfriends. The fact that everyone knows our business definitely makes things harder. So, we went to dinner on our own to try and salvage the night. Again, the time spent together was tense. I stayed away from any talk about our sitch or R but there were still periods of uncomfortable silence. And of course there was no romance.

For her birthday I took her and her whole family to a football game. This is where things got very unpleasant for me. We went early to tailgate and she and her mom started drinking. My MIL began to point out every guy she saw who was good looking. And she was not being subtle at all. At first I just laughed it off as the girls having fun. But after about 5 incidents it stopped being amusing. She took my wife over to a large camper where some guys were standing on the roof and told them that they had to let my wife come up there since it was her birthday. Well, the guys were more than happy to have her come up of course. My MIL even made a statement to my wife that one of the guys was really hot. And this continued all day. I did not say a word and I tried to act like everything was fine but inside I was stunned and hurt. They were acting like 2 single women on spring break. It was extremely disrespectful to me considering our situation.

The next day my wife remarked that I didn't appear to be having fun at the game. I told her that I enjoyed the day but that her conduct with her mom made me very uncomfortable. My wife got defensive and hostile. She accused me of ruining her birthday by casting a dark cloud over the day. I stood my ground and told her that anyone in my shoes would have felt the same way. If roles had been reversed and I was flirting with a bunch of women in front of her she would have lost her mind and probably gone home early. I also concluded that in my mind we are still married But to her, obviously, we are no longer together except for the legal agreement.

Im not sure if I did the right thing by speaking out about her behavior but I will no longer be a doormat. She is free to act in any way she chooses but not as my wife. I don't want a D but it looks more and more like that is the direction we are heading. She does not respect me or love me. It seems like the nicer I am the worse her behavior towards me. Each day it feels like the distance between us is growing. I know i need to detach, GAL, be strong, confident, happy with how things are, know that I will be ok no matter what happens to us. I cannot control her feelings or actions. I must take control over my own attitude and actions in order to move forward.