still waiting

[Ahoy]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...857#Post2489857

Not sure if this link works -- I'm trying to link to my past thread. The last one was full.

Had a dream about H last night in which we were connecting, possibly working on R. I woke up feeling sad and a bit hopeless about the situation.

Nothing seems to be changing. H has been out of the house for nearly two months now. It's been three since BD. I know I'm supposed to be patient, but he gives me no signs that anything is changing or will change.

I'm committed to waiting until January, but this is so hard. I'm not sure I even want to stay married to him, but I can't just turn on a dime.

He has to renew his health insurance through work next month. He plans to drop me from his plan. I'm self-employed so I'll be shopping for my own in the coming months. This means I get to pay for my upcoming MRI by myself, and he obviously doesn't care about my health or well-being. But he does want to add himself to my daughter and my gym membership as a family. Probably just to save money?

This is torture.

[SunnyB]

Ahoy if the insurance is a money issue for him could you just reimburse him the extra cost for you to stay on his plan? You are still M right? It's going to be cheaper for you than getting your own.

[Ahoy]

Hi rppfl! He doesn't want to keep me on his insurance, even though we are still married, so I have no room to argue unless I go the begging, pleading route, which I can't do.

Bottom line: he doesn't care.

It's sad, but at the same time, being dependent on him and the threat of him pulling my insurance later in the year if we D makes me anxious. So it's worth the expense for my peace of mind, and to get some financial distance from him.

Honesty, if he does drop me, I don't see why I should stay married to him. That's a pretty big issue for me (since I have brain tumors). Maybe I would consider a relationship still, but without the legal ties. (He is really irresponsible with money, and if he's not there to see me through in sickness and in health, then what's the point?)

[Lifes Twists]

Ahoy,

If he drops you and you get back together it will still be a year before he can re add you to the policy. Have you talked to a lawyer yet? If you file either for a divorce or a separation he cannot drop you as temp court orders take place. You may consider this.

[SunnyB]

Ahoy, I agree with Lifes Twists. You need some legal advice here. Even if you D, you may be eligible for COBRA for as long as 36 months. Your pre-existing condition makes this worth checking into. It's bigger than "H doesn't want to keep me". Take care of you.

[Ahoy]

Thanks Life Twists, I'm not ready to file anything legally because I'm afraid it will precipitate D on his end. I think I'm just going to have to rely on myself. It's okay. I'm a big girl, just a disappointed one.

[sjallda]

I think that's despicable of him, but where does that mind frame get you? I'm sorry he wants to do that, isn't family insurance around the same premiums regardless of how many? I would be thinking " I know what he thinks about me right now" which doesn't help anything.

[bdub]

Ahoy, sorry to hear you are dealing with this. It almost seems petty on his part. Like he is trying to "get" you. i hope you are able to resolve this issue!

[Ahoy]

I think it will be semi-affordable -- probably twice as much as before, but it's worth my financial independence, and if we do D, it will get factored into the equation. Luckily, with the new health laws, my preexisting condition won't factor into my application, so I should be okay.

You're right sjallda. It does send me down a rabbit hole of negative thinking. I mean, what chances are there that he will want to reconcile (January is our established month to decide) if he's already ditching me?

I guess I need to move on in my heart and just take care of myself.

What I really want is to move back to my home state to be with my family, but that would be back for D14, and turn everything into a legal mess.

I could consult with a L but I know they would just push me to file -- and I'm not ready.

Feeling trapped and alone and abandoned stinks. I really have to work on PMA -- for my own benefit.

Thanks for all the words of support!

[Ahoy]

Lots of crying today. Just can't seem to shake that feeling of abandonment and worthlessness. I know it's part of the roller coaster but I wish this would pass. Just so sad. I miss being held.